Red Alert
Archive for the ‘humour’ Category
Nikki Kaye nails “brown noser” Lee
Posted by Trevor Mallard on August 28th, 2010
I’ve ignored requests from Nat MPs to be facebook friends. But we do have some friends in common who thought this was classic.
Will John Boscawen tell us what his first car was?
Posted by Clare Curran on August 26th, 2010The Hon John Boscawen is taking his first piece of legislation through the House. It’s the Committee stage and third reading of the MotorVehicle Sales Amendment Bill, being considered under urgency.
The last stage of this Bill was under urgency too. Hmmm A couple of months ago. Very urgent!
I used that last speech to muse about the importance of making a car purchase. In particular my first car. He was a 1948 Morris 10, named Maurice and cost $125. it sparked a flurry of reminisecences from MPs and other commenters on their first cars.
We await with interest hearing what John Boscawen’s first car was.
Old fashioned employers
Posted by Trevor Mallard on August 9th, 2010John Key seems to want to take the law back to favour old fashioned employers like those in this link.
These are a few of the lines which he no doubt wants us to hear more of.
“Idle conversation and gossip in this office among employees will result in immediate termination. Don’t talk about other people and other things in this office. DO YOUR JOB AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!”
“Do not speak to me when you see me. If I want to speak to you, I will do so. I want to save my throat. I don’t want to ruin it by saying hello to all of you sons-of-bitches.”
“Per Edward Mike Davis’ orders, there will be no more birthday celebrations, birthday cakes, levity, or celebrations of any kind within the office.”
Hat tip whaleoil
Letting in Riff-Raff- and its great!.
Posted by Grant Robertson on August 3rd, 2010
Richard O’Brien, creator of the cult classic the Rocky Horror Show appears to have being granted residency in New Zealand, so Sue Moroney and I took a few minutes out in Hamilton today to celebrate with his alter-ego, Riff-Raff who has been immortalised by the city.
He has been granted an exception to policy, and while some people might have concerns, on the face of it seems reasonable. O’Brien lived in New Zealand for about 12 years during his adolesence and early twenties. He returned to NZ often as his parents remained here until they passed away a few years ago. His siblings still live here, and he owns property.
The Rocky Horror Show was a huge part of my growing up. Along with a group of friends we were kind of obsessed with the show, and to this day I can just about remember almost all the words (sad I know). We saw sit live a couple of times in the 80s with Rob Muldoon and Billy T James fulfilling the roles of the Narrator. I also remember a particularly boisterous screening of the film one Friday evening, that culminated in a mass confetti and water fight both inside and outside the theatre.
It is a total classic, and fantastic that it was written by a New Zealander. Richard O’Brien once said it was based on his experiences in Hamilton and Tauranga in the 1960s. Who knew they were that interesting….
You don’t have to be crazy to be in politics – but it helps!
Posted by Darien Fenton on July 24th, 2010On Friday night, the Northcote LEC held a well attended celebrity debate, with the moot that “you don’t have to be crazy to be in politics, but it helps“.
There were hilarious contributions from David Shearer, Charles Chauvel, Penny Hulse for the affirmative and Len Brown, Cathy Casey and Julia Parfit for the negative. Bomber was a most able adjudicator.
I wondered what others think.
Do you have to be crazy to be in politics?
Don’t send those old ewes to the works
Posted by Trevor Mallard on July 17th, 2010Like most MPs spent recess time in electorate and doing portfolio stuff.
One of my RWC visits was to the stadium to get briefing on the training that has been put in place for the thousands of new staff that will be taken on next year for bar and catering operations. Getting specialist senior staff through the recently tightened Immigration Service maze is a real issue.
Chatted with a couple of young men who are just finishing chef’s modern apprenticeship. Talk about being employable.
But one thing that became clear is that there is a danger of being short of chicken and lamb if planning doesn’t improve. And decisions made now will make the difference.
So there are bonuses in the Rugby World cup even for roosters and rams.
Downright ungrateful
Posted by Darien Fenton on July 12th, 2010Well, PM Key said it : Pete Bethune is “downright ungrateful” for the support he had from NZ when he was locked up in a Japanese jail.
That’s a question that has already been hotly debated on Red Alert. But it set me thinking, especially after a day out in the community (that’s Key’s, McCully’s, Coleman’s, Mapp’s and Lockie’s (electorate) community) about what we should be downright ungrateful for:
- We should be downright ungrateful for having a PM that no-one challenges (much) because he smiles and waves and everyone forgets to ask the hard questions;
- We should be downright ungrateful for having a government that is attacking ACC, but hardly anyone notices, because after all, we’re just talking about the injured, the sexually damaged and older people;
- We should be downright ungrateful that our older people have had their home care and/or their meals on wheels cut, even although it meant they could continue to live at home, rather than costing a fortune elsewhere;
- We should be downright ungrateful for Anne Tolley, who is the worst Education Minister ever, and who has left the early childhood education sector completely bemused about why her government thinks it’s more important to spend money on prisons than our children;
- We should be downright ungrateful for the PM’s exhortation that we should all learn Mandarin, even although his government has cut Adult and Community Education – and there’s now no chance to learn anything, let alone Mandarin;
- We should be downright ungrateful for the vehicle regos going up on 1 July, the increase in ACC levies and power and petrol prices on the up and up, and that’s before we factor in the GST increase coming our way;
- And we should be really ungrateful that most middle and lower income people won’t get tax cuts that go anywhere compensating for all of the cost increases either here or ahead of us.
I don’t want anyone to get the wrong message. There’s a lot I am grateful for, but that’s nothing to do with John Key and his NAct government.
How about you? Are you an ungrateful b*st*rd too?
(PS, glad Pete’s home safe).
Key orders inquiry into yet another telco failure
Posted by Trevor Mallard on July 11th, 2010John Key has asked Steven Joyce to set up an inquiry as to why when McCully’s and Haden’s phones were both working McCully was unable to make the connection.
There is a suggestion that a chicken caused the problem.
Could these two possibly be related?
Posted by Phil Twyford on July 9th, 2010
Did anyone see Murray McCully’s brilliant impersonation of a Latin American tinpot general on 3 News last night commenting on the party central debate?
I guess the Prime Minister told Murray McCully to sort this thing out pronto, but I am not sure berating Auckland in this way is going to get us a solution fast.
Pundit on party central
Posted by Trevor Mallard on July 8th, 2010Andrew Geddis from Pundit is the first to understand John Key’s plan for entertaining RWC visitors:-
Auckland’s new “party central” for the Rugby World Cup will be Prime Minister John Key’s front lawn, it was revealed today.
The announcement was made at an impromptu news conference at Auckland airport as the Prime Minister returned to New Zealand from a four day visit to China. Appearing tired and emotional, he said that the idea came to him whilst he tried to best Trade Minister Tim Grosser’s record for bourbon shots on a trans-Pacific flight.
“Tim’s always boasting when he comes back from his international trips about how David Boon is the only person who could keep up with him”, Key said. “I thought it was about time I exercised some leadership in the Cabinet.”
The proposal to base Auckland’s World Cup celebrations on a suburban lawn in Parnell is the latest twist in the “party central” saga. With the original venue of Queens Wharf ruled out due to Murray McCully’s apparent inability to get anyone to agree with him about anything, Key previously had indicated he was looking at other options.
Nevertheless, the choice of his own front lawn came as something of a surprise. Asked whether he thought it could really accommodate the expected tens-of-thousands of people likely to attend the venue for each game, Key said; “Have you seen my house?”
“Seriously – have you seen it? You could hold Woodstock on my lawn, and you’d still have room for more. Hell, I’m not even sure where the bloody lawn ends!”
Cheese rolls rule
Posted by Clare Curran on July 7th, 2010The cheese roll is a culinary icon. I’ve been saying it for ages. It’s ok if you North Islanders don’t get it. Coz we don’t care. All the more for us.
But it’s for real. The NZ International Science Festival is happening in Dunedin this week. The theme is Food for Thought. Amazingly, and interestingly, the cheese roll is a focus. There was a competition for the best recipe. Here’s the link to the TVNZ piece
Joy Jones’ recipe was chosen as the best of 81 entries. I’ll be contacting her to get some.
I’m bringing cheese rolls to parliament at the beginning of the next session. I know who wants them (and who doesn’t)
I should have been there today (at the cheese rolls comp). But couldn’t be in two places at once. But as many of us know, cheese rolls rule.
Julia’s first interview
Posted by Clare Curran on July 1st, 2010This is great. Though you have to know her cadence. Come back John Clarke.
Hat tip @abcmarkscott (Twitter)
Olympics in Auckland – Banks takes the piss ?
Posted by Trevor Mallard on June 30th, 2010The Mayor of Auckland John Banks appears to have taken leave of his senses in suggesting Auckland could host the Olympics.
I don’t have a figure as to the cost but it would be several billion dollars.
The government, quite properly in my opinion, decided not to support a Commonwealth games bid on the basis that the cost/benefit didn’t add up. You probably add three zeros to the Comm Games costs to get a figure for the Olympics.
The Olympics ended in tears for the Athens and Sydney hosts, costings are blowing out to high heaven in London and we don’t have the resources of China.
I sometimes get on ok with Banksie but on this one I think he is taking the piss.
