A group of private schools have launched a campaign to increase their class sizes after the government revealed bigger might actually be better, or at the very least, the same.
“How stupid are we?” a spokesperson said this morning. “For years we’ve been selling ourselves on the fact that smaller classes result in better educational outcomes, yet apparently it’s the quality of teachers that make the difference.
“We’ve even had to ask the government for taxpayer-funded hand-outs because our rolls are so small, when all along we should have just upped the number of kids in each of our classes and pocketed the extra fees,” she said.
The schools were now updating their websites, many of which emphasised the low student teacher-ratio and the opportunities they offered “for individual attention, expansion of capabilities and teacher-pupil interaction’.
“There’s no arguing that New Zealand kids deserve the best teachers, but those teachers obviously don’t need to be in an environment that actively fosters excellence. Any old environment will do,” the spokesperson said.
It was expected the group wouldn’t be lobbying current Finance Minister Bill English, who, as National’s education spokesperson said in 2004 that the then Labour Government was wasting an opportunity (with projected falling rolls) to shrink class sizes “to have better relationships between families, teachers and students which research shows is really important for achievement, particularly disadvantage kids.”
“I mean, seriously, what does that tell you? The Government knows nothing, yes, that’s right, zero, about what really goes on in our schools.”
The campaign, titled More Is Better But Only If I Say So, would be rolled out across the country over the next few weeks, she said.
NB: Any resemblance to any characters living, or otherwise, is purely coincidental.
